I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love and regrettedmost of them but never the potatoes that went with them.
I want him to see the flowers in my eyes and hear the songs in my hands.
The fight unfolded like background noise. White noise. In the foreground even with his ghastly pale face looking dead in my hands my fingers clenching his ragged hair all I could see was random images of Fang not dead.Fang telling me stupid fart jokes from the dog crate next to mine at the school trying to make me laugh.Fang asleep at Jebs old house and me jumping wildly on his bed to wake him up. Him pretending to be asleep. Me laughing when I accidentally kicked him where it counts. Him dumping me off the bed.Fang gagging on my first attempt at cooking dinner after Jeb disappeared. Him spitting out the mac and cheese. Me dumping the rest of the bowl on him in response.Fang on the beach that first time he was badly injured. Me realizing how I felt about him.Fang kissing me. So close I couldnt even see his dark eyes anymore. The first time. The second time. The third.I could always remember each and every one of them. Would always remember them.Fang.Not.Dead.
Accidents ambush the unsuspecting often violently just like love.
Love is scary it changes it can go away. Thats the part of the risk. I dont want to be scared anymore.
Love whether newly born or aroused from a deathlike slumber must always create sunshine filling the heart so full of radiance that it overflows upon the outward world.
You cant fool people into loving you.
Long distance is hard. You have to trust that as you each change on your own your relationship will also change along with you. It takes hope good humor and idealism. It takes a massive dose of courage to protect the relationship at all odds. It is hard but worth it. Youll both be stronger as a result.
We are the ones who take this thing called music and line it up with this thing called time. We are the ticking we are the pulsing we are underneath every part of this moment. And by making the moment our own we are rendering it timeless. There is no audience. There are no instruments. There are only bodies and thoughts and murmurs and looks. Its the concert rush to end all concert rushes because this is what matters. When the heart races this is what its racing towards.
I dont want to make love last I want to make love second to last. The last thing well do is cuddle.
You can never be wise and be in love at the same time.
Do you know how many ways love can hit you So it makes you happy or miserable It makes you sick in the belly or hurt in the heart. It makes everything brighter and sharper or it blurs all the edges. It makes you feel like a king or a fool. Every way love can hit you its hit me when it comes to you
So I learned two things that night and the next day from him the perfection of a moment and the fleeting nature of it.
You didnt think Id let you go alone did youNo but Im grateful that I had you with me.Grateful is all Im going to get isnt itWhat else were you hoping forAdoration devotion affection infatuation or just plain finding me irresistible.Sorry Don Juan. Youll have to live with my undying gratitude.
The Universe is very very big.It also loves a paradox. For example it has some extremely strict rules.Rule number one Nothing lasts forever.Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die it means that their love is not real for everything that is real dies. Rule number two Everything lasts forever.
Dont let yourself die without knowing the wonder of fucking with love.
He came up and kissed me on my forehead and before he stepped away I closed my eyes and tried hard to memorize this moment. I wanted to remember him exactly as he was right then how his arms looked brown against his white shirt the way his hair was cut a little too short in the front. Even the bruise there because of me.Then he was gone.Just for that moment the thought that I might never see him again it felt worse than death. I wanted torun after him. Tell him anything everything. Just dont go. Please just never go. Please just always be near me so I can at least see you.Because it felt final. I always believed that we would find our way back to each other every time. That no matter what we would be connectedby our history by this house. But this time this last time it felt final. Like I would never see him again or that when I did it would be different there would be a mountain between us.I knew it in my bones. That this time was it. I had finally made my choice and so had he. He let me go. I was relieved which I expected. What I didnt expect was to feel so much grief.Bye bye Birdie.
This is part of what a family is about not just love. Its knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work.
You have the power to tear me to pieces to wound me so deep and true that Ill never recover. What Rissas death did to the boy I was You have the ability to do a thousand times worse to the man Ive become.
And I still love you in my own fucked-up way. I miss you I really do. Can we still be friends